Numb
by vancity angel
Summary: Max comes to terms with her feelings for Alec.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Felt kind of in the mood for some angst.

Don't own it.

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Numb. That was the only way to describe how she felt in this moment the moment that her whole world was ending. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, he was supposed have realized that she didn't really mean it, that she was just scared. He was supposed to forgive her and give her time and wait until she was able to deal with sorting out how she felt. Maybe that sounded selfish but that's how it had always been between them, she would lash out, he would take it, maybe he wouldn't talk to her for a couple of days but then he'd be right back to making his smart alec remarks and all would be forgiven.

Not this time though. This time she had said too much. She should have gone after him she realized a little too late. Whether it had been her pride or her steadfast belief that he would come back to her, there was no one else left to blame but herself. As Max looked up and saw his hazel eyes filled with such an overwhelming amount of love, she couldn't help but feel the pain that cut through her heart shattering the numbness she had been using to protect it, as she remembered that he had looked at her with that same look. It had been followed by a look of absolute hurt after she had blasted him telling him that she could never love a tomcatting sociopath like him. It wasn't fair to take it out on him like that especially when it was the furthest thing from the truth.

Everything inside her had screamed at her to go after him to tell him she was sorry, that she loved him as well. He would have forgiven her she knew it with every fiber of her being. But she hadn't and now here she was sitting in this church watching as another woman made her way down the aisle towards him, towards her mate, her Alec. It was all too much as Max felt a sudden surge of emotion wash over her and the tears began to run down her face. She felt OC's hand reach over and take a hold of her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry boo." Max gave her best friend a shaky smile but said nothing not trusting her voice.

A year. She had let a whole year pass her by. How hard would it have been to stop him after one of the morning meetings or on one of the countless missions they went on and just tell him the truth? And then he went on that mission for Eyes Only protecting some contacts daughter and he fell for her. She was the complete opposite of Max physically as well as personality wise. Max still remembered the day she had found out about them, they had been together for more then six months and nobody in terminal city had let it slip to her. The only reason she found out was that she had found the box with the ring when she had been in his office. In that moment she never thought she could feel more hurt and sadness, that is until today. She hid it though pretending that it didn't hurt even went as far as congratulating him and offering to take over some of his duties so he could plan the wedding with her. She made him believe that she was nothing more then a friend that was happy for him. Max never gave him any inkling what her true feelings for him were. And over time they fell back into that uneasy friendship they had always had.

Cindy had tried to talk Max into telling him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. He seemed so happy and he deserved to be happy. Max couldn't risk that her confession would cause him any pain and deep down she believed what Renfro had said that she was poison. In the end she knew she would always end up hurting him. So instead she let him go, knowing that Kasey would never cause him pain.

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A/N: So when I first wrote this I intended this to be a one shot Max POV. But now I'm thinking maybe I should continue with an Alec POV and possibly even a Kasey or OC one. Let me know if that's something you guys would like to read.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to darkazangel452, Jabberwocky1, Mahine, T and Cara for your reviews hope you enjoy this.

A/N: Oh yeah just wanted to say to Cara I am working on a Kasey POV which I hope to have out in the next couple of days. And to Jabberwocky1 I totally agree with you about wanting to have happy Max and Alec endings (stay tuned). And I think I got the hint Mahine and I believe you may want to read the next few chapters.

Guess what still don't own it.

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This was probably the biggest moment of his life and so the nervous feelings he'd been having all morning was easily explained away as just some last minute jitters. However if he was honest with himself he would be able to admit that these feelings had been going on for a lot longer. In fact he could probably trace them back to the exact day he had gotten down on one knee and asked Kasey to marry him. He loved her he truly did and she was a good woman that loved him as well, he knew that. That still didn't change the fact that there was a voice inside of him that was saying this is wrong. This was not his mate. Unfortunately for Alec the woman who was had turned him away.

He still remembered everything about that day. What she was wearing, where they were standing and every last word that had come from her mouth. He even remembered that flash of uncertainty that had come through her eyes as she spoke those hurtful words, giving him some sort of hope that maybe she just needed time, that she didn't mean what she had said. However this time he wasn't going to be a chump, he wasn't going to be the one to go crawling back. If she wanted it, if she wanted him then he was going to give her a chance to come to him. She never did though. He would drag his feet after the morning meetings making up excuses to stay behind giving her every opportunity to say something, anything. After six months Alec felt like he was loosing his mind, so when Logan had asked for help with an Eyes Only assignment that would have taken him away from Terminal City for a short while, he jumped at the chance. It had been longer then he had thought it would be, two months instead of the two weeks, but it had been a blessing in disguise. It gave him the opportunity to try and heal the open wound that had been left on his heart. He never intended to fall for her, but what man would have been able to resist.

Kasey was any man's dream girl. A tall, blonde, blue eyed goddess. But it wasn't her looks that had attracted Alec to her (well not completely anyway). It was the fact that where Max was a tough, hard ass chick, Kasey was a soft, feminine person who wore her heart on her sleeve. In short she was the total opposite of Max and exactly what he needed, or so he thought at the time. They hadn't jumped right in to anything after all they both had been nursing broken hearts. She understood though, what it was like to love someone and loose them. To have to be forced to do things you never wanted to do, to have to lie to people you love not only for yourself but for their survival as well. She never judged him, and the more time they spent together the closer they became and soon Alec felt that even though half of him was missing that maybe with Kasey he could still have that happily ever after.

Even with this realization it had still been hard to give up on Max and him ever being together. In fact even after he had bought the ring to propose to Kasey he had kept it locked away in his desk for more then three weeks, not being able to bring himself to ask Kasey when there was still a chance for him and Max. But then he had walked in on Max in his office holding the ring in her hands and he felt his heart come to a complete stop. For a moment he thought that she would ask him not to do it because she had realized that they belonged together and that there was no way that she would let him be with another woman. But she didn't say anything of the sort, in fact she went ahead and congratulated him and volunteered to take over some of his duties so that he could plan his wedding. It had been that night that he had gone over to Kasey's house and ended up proposing to her. It had been that night that he had to face the facts and let Max go.

And now here he was a little over a year later standing at the front of this church in front of his friends and Kasey's family watching as Kasey and her father made their way down the aisle towards him. She looked beautiful in her wedding gown and Alec couldn't help the smile that came across his face at the sight of her. He made his way down to where she and her father had stopped accepting a handshake from him followed by Kasey's hand being laid in his, they made their way back up to the pastor. As Alec turned to face his bride he couldn't help but to look past her right shoulder to where he knew Max was sitting. What he saw made his smile falter. Max was staring down at her lap but the tear tracks running down her cheeks and the absolute sadness that was radiating off of her was unmistakable. Alec felt his heart stop as the realization of what this all meant hit him like a ton of bricks. "Alec?" Kasey's voice brought Alec back to reality.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So this one was harder to write. Not quite sure why. Hope it's still good. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed appreciate it.

Don't own it.

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Take a deep breath. Kasey reminded her self as she stared intently at the front doors of the church, waiting for the music to start and the doors to open. She heard her father chuckle next her. "You know staring at the door isn't going to make it open faster." Kasey looked at her father and smiled. "I just can't wait to see Alec." Her father gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and brought it up to the crook of his arm. Kasey still couldn't believe that it had only been a little over a year and half since Alec had come into her life and now here she was only a few minutes away from becoming his wife.

She still remembered her first meeting with Alec, he had to be the most gorgeous man she had ever seen, and taking one look at the amused smirk that crossed his face when he caught her staring told her he was well aware of this fact. It was then that she decided he was probably too cocky for his own good and there was no way she was going to let him see how he was affecting her. That resolution had lasted all but an hour. That's how long it took her to figure out that it was all a façade and underneath it all he was as big an emotional wreck as she was. They had spent that first night talking about everything and anything. That's how he had learned about Noah, the great love of her life, one of the two men who could make her heart jump up into her throat; the other one was standing on the other side of this door. It had been a truly cathartic experience for her. She had never truly had a chance to mourn for what could have been and Alec was the first person she had met that had understood. He had understood how hard it was to have to lie and pretend to be someone you weren't especially when the circumstances where not of your own making.

That night she felt the weight lift and for the first time in two years she felt as if she could finally look forward. Over the next two months Alec was amazing. He was gentle and loving and was fine with the slow pace she had wanted to set for any relationship that they could potentially develop. Even though she had spilled everything to Alec that first night it had taken him a little longer to divulge the story behind his heartbreak. When he said Max's name she swore she could see a mixture of love and longing flash across his features. Truth be told to this day it was that same momentary flash of emotion that would come any time Max's name was mentioned in Alec's presence; and to this day it would ignite a feeling of uncertainty that Kasey still hadn't managed to shake. Even that night he had decided to propose it had felt as if there had been a storm cloud brewing. Like there was some unforeseen force that was going to take it all away from her. For a moment she had even gotten a feeling that Alec was secretly hoping for a no. But Kasey was always good at denial. After all she had a life time of practice at it.

Kasey shook her head trying to get rid of the path her thoughts had taken. Alec loved her. He had proposed to her and in a few minutes time they would be pledging themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. As she strengthened her resolve Kasey heard the bridal march start up and saw the doors begin to open. This was it, the moment she had been waiting for, the moment she had been planning for. She ran through her mental check list one last time, everything had been double checked and everyone who was invited was accounted for. So why was there this sudden overwhelming feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, like something wasn't right? "Kase you okay?" Her father asked her a hint worry present in his voice. "I'm fine just…. a little nervous daddy." She assured.

As she began her march down the aisle she tried to bury the feeling of dread and instead focus on the wonderful man that she was walking towards. By the time Alec had taken her hand and led her up to where the pastor was waiting all negative feelings where forgotten. As Kasey turned around to face Alec she noticed the look of shock and sadness that was on his face. "Alec?" She asked worried and wondering what could have happened to cause him such distress. She looked over her shoulder to see what it was that was holding his attention.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks for the reviews guys. Hope you enjoy the ending.

Still don't own it. Cuz if I did that gross hand holding thing never would have happened at the end of FN.

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One Year later:

Max sat on the edge of her desk looking out the window thinking back to that fateful day a year ago. God it had been a whole year since the day that Max's world had come crashing down around her. She felt the tear slip down her cheek and closed her eyes to stem the flow. She could still picture it as if it was yesterday, sitting in that church watching the man she loved ready himself to pledge his heart to another women. She also remembered the way Cindy had squeezed her hand as she had been staring down at her lap unable to witness what she knew was about to happen. And then it happened; a sudden and urgent whisper in her ear from Cindy. "Boo look up!" Max first looked at Cindy in confusion at how her friend could be so cruel as to force her to look at her worst nightmare, but Cindy just tilted her head toward the alter. Max took a deep breath attempting to gather a hold of her emotions and looked up, and what she saw caused the air to leave her lungs.

She saw the flurry of emotion that raced across his eyes and then she saw as the realization hit him. He knew. Max felt hope surge through her; but that feeling left her just as suddenly when she caught Kasey's eyes. The hint of pain there was the same one she saw countless times in the mirror. Alec had seen it too no doubt, because he steeled himself taking hold of Kasey's hands and giving her his infamous smirk to reassure her. Max bit down on her lower lip to stop the sob that threatened to break free. She heard Alec clear his throat and address the pastor. "Guess it's about time we get this show on the road huh padre?" Max closed her eyes in resignation. Of course he was going to go through with it. Alec would never hurt Kasey like that; like she had hurt him. Max watched as the pastor turned to Alec and asked him if he took Kasey to be his wife. Alec didn't even look her way as he answered directly to Kasey. "I do." The pastor then turned his attention to Kasey and posed the same question. Kasey turned to look at Max. She turned back to Alec and Max noticed the way her spine stiffened. "I.."

"Whatcha thinkin bout?" The voice behind her brought her out of her revive. She turned around letting a sad smile come across her face. "Nothin." "Uh huh." Cindy responded clearly letting Max know she knew exactly what Max had been doing. "Boo. Don't do this to yourself the past is the past." "I know Cind, I just can't help it." Cindy grabbed Max by the shoulders but resisted the urge to shake the girl. "Max, let it go. It's been a year. I know it wasn't all roses after that day but it all worked out in the end didn't it?" Max smiled a genuine happy smile. "Yeah it did turn out pretty well." Cindy chuckled letting go of Max. "Girl I just about had a hard attack when Kasey said she was sorry and bolted like that train of hers was on fire." Max winced slightly at the memory. "Alec was so devastated." Cindy let out a sigh. "Max he just got left at the alter. What did you expect him to do? Hot boy needed time to sort it all out."

"God Maxie don't you ever give the angst a rest." Cindy and Max both looked over at the door way where the loveable X5 rouge stood leaning against the door frame. Alec pushed himself away from the door and strode confidently towards Max. Cindy smirked at Max giving her I told you so look before she beat a hasty retreat out of the room. Alec wrapped his arms around her lower back pulling her closer to him and allowed his lips to brush ever so lightly against hers. "I love you baby. I know it took awhile for me to say that to you after everything that happened. But Maxie you're stuck with me now." She let out a snort and hit him on the shoulder before she pulled him by his shirt back towards her to claim his lips in a passionate kiss. She leaned her cheek against his chest and sighed happily. "I never want it any other way."


End file.
